Life.......

Life is a very precious thing because no matter if you're older like my grandma passing away or nonsense acts of terrorism that happened at the church in Texas we don't control if we live or die. The reality is we have to live life the best we can while we are here and able to. With the recent passing and just everything going on in the world, I thought this would be a good time to share some thoughts that meant a lot to me. Life has ups and downs and we continue riding the roller coaster until the end but I want people who have made a difference in my life to know that they have made difference to me in my 29 years. Some of these people won't even read this and some will not know they made a difference to me but that is the reasoning for writing this. We have no set amount of time in this life so take advantage of what you do have and appreciate the people that come and go....

To my mamaw....The memories don't fade even if your relationship with someone does. The sweetest kindest woman at least to her grandkids that you will ever meet. During the holidays she would cook and do everything she could to make sure you had enough food. The special thing is she never let you leave without a hug and a kiss. She was a woman who loved to have yard sales and I was on board with her even though we would sit and not sell anything. I remember growing up and going to mamaw's house and spending nights mostly during the holidays. I remember going to the flea market to visit her and eating biscuits and gravy. This could be the reason I enjoy yard sales and flea markets but I remember those times like they were yesterday. Mamaw's potato salad and banana pudding were the greatest in the world, but trust me I'll attempt to make it like her but it will never be the same. She passes the old traditions on to us so we can make new ones and that is what we will do. Thank you for everything, you will be missed by many but never forgotten.

To my papaw.... The man who loves to work and loves to farm. We aren't very close but the fact that your work ethic is so high is amazing. I don't forget the holidays when we get to see you and spend the little time we do with you but I always remember no matter what you gave us money for Christmas. I remember working in the hay fields with you during the summers as my dad yelled at me because I was doing a bad job.Remember watching bulls get their balls cut and fed to the dog. It's the little things that stick in a memory that gets created for a lifetime. I remember so much about being on the farm and little random things like that one.

To my parents.... Not much I can say about them but they are the greatest parents anyone could ask for. We have obviously had some ups and downs because of some decisions I have made in life but that happens especially through the teenage years. They taught me everything I know and gave me everything I needed growing up. We don't have the bond of hugging and saying I love you but that isn't who I am but they know I appreciate everything they do for me. I can't tell stories about them because we have had so many and got to do so many incredible things. Every year we got to go on vacation and enjoy something new and fun. It is funny growing up you just want to live your life and don't care about anything in the world especially the opinions of your parents but as you grow you want them to be proud of who you become so that they know they did a great job raising you. I hope they are proud of who I have become even with the flaws I have and I hope to continue to improve to be as good as they are. Some people don't get the opportunity to have two parents in their life but I did and I am very grateful for having my parents. They taught me many things in life, way to many to go through in one blog post but each little thing is instilled into my memory.

To my sister and brother-in-law..... I feel like as kids the age difference was a big deal because we seem to fight every second of every day from what I remember. The older we get the relationships seem to grow much closer. I remember driving her car to prom and to meet some girl an hour away. We have been to Alaska, snow tubing, Disney World, and many other adventures that make life fun. From sleeping on the floor in their room to now playing rook or camping we have a wonderful relationship. The older I get the more I appreciate all the stuff they have done for me and now that they have kids makes it even better considering I am still a kid at heart.

To my cousin.... The man who I idolized as a kid. We got into so many different hobbies and done so many random things which included paintball, backyard paintball with a motorcycle helmet and goggles, golf, scooter, basketball, trampoline football, video games which included halo and NFL 2K, destroying his flying plane, and plenty more. I was always over there hanging out even with a 5 year age difference he was my best friend growing up. The reason I got into the IT field was because of him and what he was doing. I didn't quite make it as far school wise but it isn't completely out of the question that I get there one day. I definitely can't complain about my childhood the memories are pretty endless.

To my Friends....Vinnie kept me sane when I went through my divorce and was depressed. We play video games like it is going out of style. You haven't enjoyed life until you have a bottle a whiskey and NBA 2k.  LJ and Kayla were like brother and sister to me. I was over there constantly after we graduated which grew our relationship. I remember the birth of their daughter like it was yesterday. No matter the distance we will be friends and ball again one day. Bobby is the guy that if I am going start a crazy story there is good chance he is going be involved in it. We never had dull moments and made the most of life. Lunsford was a guy who I could always count on and probably still can. We have grown apart, but growing up playing baseball we had each other's backs. Plenty more of you I crossed paths with and I have plenty of stories about. People who made a difference in my life or I crossed path with is such a long list that not many people are listed here but if I came in contact with you I probably have a good story about it.

To my Fazoli's girl...  The biggest thing here is that she made me realize that my marriage was bad and that I should be treated better. The reality is I didn't do anything about it at all but wait until I got cheated on. At a different time in our life, you never know but I do know my breakfast from pals was always good. The thing is I had already heard that my wife was cheating and I had an opportunity to cheat and yet I remained faithful which may look like a mistake now but I remained loyal to a fault. Something about her gave me this feeling when my marriage was crumbling, that someone as great as her would eventually be in my life if not her at another time. Life is scary when you come to realization that someone else is better for you then who you are married to. We were just friends and nothing more but after my my divorce I had some regrets about not taking advantage of the opportunity.  Life gives you people that you remember even if they don't because they change your life in ways you weren't expecting and occasionally mean more then anyone would realize.

To my Fazoli's and GM... We kept each other sane in sometimes a not so sane environment. Fazoli's gave me a lifetime of memories which is crazy to think about but I was there for roughly 5 years of my life. The GM who hired me eventually became more like a friend to me and we had what seemed like life heart to heart all the time. Fazolis was a different kind of place with so many personalities that came through there. I met so many people that have impacted my life even if it wasn't to a great extent and even met my ex-wife there.  It started out as a job because I had to have one but eventually it became more than that and help develop who I am as a person. The GM was one of the best if not the best person I have ever met. We bonded over baseball, to begin with, and she helped me during my marriage and after my marriage. She kept life in perspective for me and I feel like we helped each other through some troubling times along the way.

To my exes.... Girl 1 was this high school sweetheart which makes sense that we fought often. We had some adventures and she was there through high school pretty much for 3 years. She showed me how you love even though I was the worst person at it. I was in it just to have it and it wasn't all bad but it wasn't healthy for either of us. At that time though I proposed and would have bet money on marrying her. When you look back at it now we enjoyed the time we had together but we weren't perfect. Even with realization back then we shouldn't be together I realized that I don't handle breakups well. Breakups after years of being with  someone were always so disappointing because it always felt like in the big picture it was a waste of time. Girl 2 was the middle woman between another long relationship, but she may have had the biggest impact of all the exes. Something kept me interested in her no matter where we were in life.  Girl 3 was the girl that I had fun with. We spent around 2 years together and I was maybe the biggest asshole you will ever meet. We had a lot of fun together but that is how I treated it was fun and not a serious relationship. We learn things about ourselves and I realized in that relationship and especially after it that if I wanted to make something work I had to give effort. I had to be all in and not partially in.

To my ex-wife.... The one person who made me eventually grow up and realize my potential. We had what I would consider a rocky relationship that included cheating allegations, cheating rumors, yelling, and a lot of other negatives. With all the negatives were some positive and a lot of different things that I got to enjoy in life. It was almost a test drive to what I don't want in a wife or relationship. The tough times were super tough but on the flip side, the great times were great just not as many. It took me forever to come to peace with the way things happened and I learned a lot about depression and myself during it. On the flip side, I have never seen someone and fell head over heels which led to me chasing her for over a year or two and finally being successful. The best part was it taught me who not to be in a marriage and not accept being ridiculed for everything I do. In the end, it led me to where I am at today so I can't complain about it to much. As an added bonus her family was some of the nicest people and always treated me as part of the family. As far as the divorce and breakup, it was the toughest thing I have ever had to deal with. It isn't that I was happy but I view marriage as this adventure with another person until one of you passes away. The divorce rate is very high but it seems like any problem you have can be fixed. The reality is I wasn't myself and lost my mind for a few months after the split up which made me realize that is not the person I want to be anymore.

To my wife..... The rock in my life who drives me insane and keeps me sane at the same time. The woman who I get to fuss with everyday about random stuff. I am the biggest pain in the ass to deal with at times and she is amazing at that. I wake up every morning knowing that I am a lucky man and that the rest of my life I get to spend with a wonderful woman. We had a rocky relationship with dating and a lot of it was an issue of me getting over my ex. I have an anxiety issue that has kept me from enjoying my life to the fullest which also caused us some issues early on. I remember when I first met her I was very interested in her. We had a couple breakups which at the time I wasn't sure if I was okay with them or not. I kept in touch with her after the first one because I wasn't happy with life, but I also wasn't sure what I wanted in life. Eventually, we got back together and it was the same ole story even though I was happy I never fully committed myself. We broke up again and I finally came to the realization that she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I'd fight to get that. I proposed when we weren't even together because I was so sure that is what I wanted. We bought a house shortly after and got married. The life I live now is not perfect but I can't see myself spending my life with anyone else. The reality is it took some missteps in judgment by me to keep screwing up to get to this point in my life.We have created something special that we continue to work hard at. It isn't always easy but it isn't supposed to be.

I have come in contact and met a lot of people throughout my life that I can share stories for days. There are plenty more that if you know me you know your included in my memories and life. The feeling that people can leave this world not knowing what you meant to them is the reason I felt like writing this. I'm 29 years old and it seems like life is starting to speed up and people are starting to either pass away or just enter a new stage of life where we grow apart from people who meant something in our lives. I appreciate so many people from my past and my present and hope to have 30 more years of memories. It depends on a lot of different factors if we live to be old and it's not always on us. The world seems to be getting darker every day and violence is starting to take over. Life is scary at times because we don't know when we will pass away from whatever may take us but having come to the realization that I need to make the most of my time here makes the people and adventures around me even more special. Thank you to the people in my life for helping me make the most of it and for letting me have the memories to look back on.